it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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