I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
