I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
