I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
