im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't deserve a penis
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
