Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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