Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
