And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
