Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
