Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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