maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Two words: blizzard sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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