Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd cum for enchiladas.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
