PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
