My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
