They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
