she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
