I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
