Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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