Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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