Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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