i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
