Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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