The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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