That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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