Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
