Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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