if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
