I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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