Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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