Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
