Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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