I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize