Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
