Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
