It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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