I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
