I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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