i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
