p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
