whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
