I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
