dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
