I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
