I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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