My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
