ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
