I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
