So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
