I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You're like the curious george of whores
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
