whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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