Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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