He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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