nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
