sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
