U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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