Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
