oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
