is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
