Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
