Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
