You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am available for nakedness
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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