Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
