I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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