Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks

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(562): View more from California

trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"

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(651): View more from Minnesota

they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.

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(317): View more from Indiana

How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.

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(713): View more from Texas

I just got carded by a ten year old.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?

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(281): View more from Texas

But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her

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