the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
