Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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